As the kids get older you can no longer avoid observing key dates in the year like halloween and bonfire night, so I figure I’ll get a pumpkin and carve it because it seems like something I might enjoy and messing it up results in nothing lost other than the 79p it cost to buy the pumpkin in the first place.

I approached this as I approach most things, don’t do any research because I figure I can work it out as I go along. So out come the knives and choppity chop!


First thing, nobody told me how digusting it is inside a pumpkin. I mean, it’s disgusting in there. It’s like some sort of slimy sloppy hell on earth. Naturally, upon seeing this orange stringy bucket of doom I immediately roped in the kids to scoop out the worst of it. They loved it so it’s a win all round!

Next up, sketch out a rough design, which you can see here being signed off by the foreman, Bruce.


Then, out come the knives again and chop chop chop. It’s here I went a bit wrong making the mouth too big. But I think it came out OK


Now I learned something. Apparently you can’t put candles in pumpkins now. Because apparently they set little kids on fire because childrens fancy dress costumes are basically made of carrier bags and magnesium and will go off like a firework if placed even in the same room as an open flame. So I then had to fashion a lighting system out of battery powered LED lights. Which also went OK.

The next problem however was that I had only made one pumpkin. This is “A BAD THING” because there are two children and based on their reaction to there only being one pumpkin I might as well have thrown all their toys on the fire and danced around whilst laughing and screaming obsenities in their little faces.

So off for another pumpkin and I deliberately purchased the smallest and crappest one as these tiny little victories are all that I have left.

This time I allowed Bruce to do the design. He refused at first so I drew the one on the left to give him some prompts on what he should do. He got as far as an eye and a mouth and I asked him “what about the other eye” and he replied “no Daddy those are all mouths” so he’s clearly got into the horror thing pretty quickly. I added an extra eye for effect and the design was done.


AND FINALLY they look alright I suppose. This is a 456 word post about pumpkins. Just sayin’.


They do love dressing up them boys


The end

westonbirt redux

I thought we went to Westonbirt Arboretum last year. And that we were going back a year later. But I am a dummy because apparently we went in March and I am just unable to accurately gauge the concept of time.

Anyway, off we go in the car for an hour with this romantic view of how wonderfully middle class we will be with our wonderful children and how they will frolic and gambol through the woods joyously taking time to stop and tell us how much they love us and how amazing we are as parents.

Now the reality – we hit the treetop walkway and the kids love it. Great start!



But then the treetop walk ends, and the boys make their displeasure at being somewhere fun and exciting known in their own unique way. Crying, endlessly.

Crying because they don’t want to walk. Crying because they don’t want to go in the pushchair. Crying because they don’t want to be carried.

We press on, dragging two sobbing little chaps with us.

Eventually we get to the old arboretum and convince them that collecting leaves is the most fun they can imagine, and we get twenty glorious minutes of neither of them crying. So I roll about on the floor taking photos of them.




Then it’s time to leave and the crying starts again, so we slog back to the car with our dreams of middle class parenting perfection shattered. Nevertheless, it was a pretty good day out!

The end