not child proof

Last night I was on the phone to my friend Ben talking about various nerdy things – I hadn’t spoken to Ben for a while and it was great to catch up. He asked how I was and what I’d been up to. I said I have kids and so nothing much interesting happens to me, it’s all about them.

I went on to say that sometimes it feels like they exist purely to make me suffer. This was a mistake.

Because you see, they know. They hear and know everything. I don’t know how but I am sure of it in a way that I have never been so sure of anything else in my life. They work together to ensure no such comment or statement goes unpunished.

My penance for those particular comments? Ray woke up at 03:30 screaming his head off, which never happens. I calmed him down and went back to bed. Then at 05:30 Bruce woke me up by tapping his finger directly on to my eyeball through my closed eyelid. And so starts another day.

And that’s not all. I have a set of headphones.

They have been my headphones for sixteen years.

They are Sony MDR-V700 headphones which I got back in my nightclub house music DJ period.

They were quite expensive when new, before the days of Beats by Dre when spending £150 on headphones marked you out as a weirdo rather than being the norm.

They survived through hundreds of DJ gigs across the country, some of which may have involved some impairment on my part and a corresponding lack of care.

They survived journeys to Japan, America, Africa, Dubai and many other countries.

They survived everything I ever threw at them and kept on sounding amazing.

Here they are!

Sony MDR v700 headphones
Sony MDR v700 headphones

You know what they couldn’t survive? A three year old playing with them for around one minute.

Broken 3.5mm Stereo Jack plug

Here you see why – pictured next to what a headphone plug should look like – the end of the jack plug has been broken off. How you might ask? By pretending to plug them into his toy wooden kitchen. Thanks Bruce!

So now another talent I must develop as a parent is that of electrical repair. Better break out the soldering iron and get busy…