Let’s face it, this summer was crap, depsite the met office promising us what they called a “barbeque summer”. So I’ve decided to do my bit for global warming, and bought myself a car with a 4.6 litre V8 engine. It makes so many C02s that it’s actually closer to a plane than a car.

MG ZT 260

Obviously this is a joke – I don’t hate the environment and I don’t want to kill seals and dolphins (well, maybe seals – with their shifty eyes and sneaky ways, they can’t be trusted).

I do however only do about 3 miles a year in my car, so I’m actually polluting less than all you folks in your Toyota Pious and Honda Insights – and certainly less than the Rainbow Warrior chucking out carcinogens from it’s massive diesel engines. Oh, and I’ve got another car – not because I need one – but simply because I want one, and I can have one. It’s old, and gets really bad fuel economy too – but I only do about 1 mile a year in that one.

HA! In your face greenpeace, I’m more environmentally friendly than you are!