I mentioned in my Wookie Hole post that we’d been to various attractions during our week off work – one of these attractions was Longleat.    Longleat is actually a pretty good place to visit, there is a lot to do, in fact we didn’t get to see even half the stuff so we are going back to see the rest!

The only problem with Longleat is that it’s full of shuffling cretins. Normally this particular species of human can be easily avoided or ignored but at Longleat you are continually smashed in the face by acts of sheer moronity (a new word I invented).

Take for example the drooling gibbon lady who stopped her battered old Peugeot 406 to look at the Tigers. Ahh, pretty stripy tigers. BUT YOU ARE BLOCKING TWO LANES OF TRAFFIC YOU UTTER UTTER GOON. So now something like 30 cars have to sit and wait. And wait…. And wait…….

Until the mouth breather and her brood have crushed their faces up against the car windows for long enough and having had their fill of tigers they move on, only to block the entire two lanes a short distance later, ohhhhh… Look at the Wolfies…. droooooooool…

Still the tigers didn’t seem that bothered.

Tiger at Longleat

Acts of stupidity such as stopping in doorways and blocking pathways are the norm at Longleat. Luckily I am a calm and balanced person so I wait until I get home then write sarcastic things on the internet because actually saying something to someone just wouldn’t be the correct behaviour for an Englishman.

The best bit of the Safari driving experience has to be the fallow deer – you buy a cup of food, then you feed them and they eat right out of your hand. Look!

Fallow Deer at Longleat

As I was taking this photo of a particularly cute deer eating out of my wife’s hand, another impatient chap had his head right in the car trying to find some delicious deer munchies:

Fallow Deer at Longleat

Second highlight of the trip was watching a car who felt that the massive queue waiting to see the monkeys didn’t apply to him. Fortunately one cheeky little chappy had a sense of justice and so ripped a couple of trim pieces off that particular car.

Throughout the safari I attached my Nikkor 80-400VR lens to my camera to see what photos of the animals I could get but there ended up being a number of problems, such as focusing through wet glass or through my front windscreen which has a heating element in it. As a result almost all the photos were consigned to the big delete bin in the sky.

The deer photos were taken with a Sigma 10-20mm, the Tiger photo with a Nikkor 80-400VR.

A special mention to the chap with a back seat full of kids who shouted the “C” word out of his car window at another driver. That kind of high quality parenting gives me hope for the future of our country, I salute you sir.